Climbing El Misti: One Step at a Time

Yesterday, I completed one of the most arduous tasks of my life: climbing to the summit of El Misti Volcano in Arequipa, Peru. El Misti is 5,822 meters (19,101 ft) above sea level and takes two days to ascend (for reference, Machu Picchu is 2,430 m or almost 8,000 ft). 

El Misti Volcano

On Sunday April 10th, five of us, Joel, Edgar, Nicolas, Lina and I, started at the bottom of the volcano (3,300 meters), and then hiked for 4 1/2 hours to base camp (4,500 meters). We had a delicious minestrone soup and pasta dinner made by Joel, our guide, attempted to sleep a few hours before ascending to the top at 2 am for 6 hours. It was pitch black at that time so we trekked with headlamps and snow gear on. All we could see was black sand, rocks and one shoe in front of the other.

Base of El Misti - starting the trek

Selfie at Base Camp

Sunset overlooking Arequipa

My family has a history of altitude sickness, and even after taking all the preventative measures to decrease the symptoms (soroche pills, coca tea, chocolate, etc.), I still felt the altitude two hours into the ascent. Even though this was physically a tough trek, I knew it would ultimately be a mental battle. I almost gave up because the pain in my head worsened with every step, and I had to stop every 30-40 steps to catch my breath. The rest of my group wasn't affected by the altitude so I felt like I was dragging down my team with my slow, haggard pace. I told them they should continue without me and I would make it up to the top eventually at my own pace. Joel even offered for me to return to base camp at that point. It would have been so easy to turn around, head back to base camp and sleep in my warm sleeping bag free of suffering, but I was determined to make it to the summit even if it killed me. I had to prove to myself that I could do this. 

For the next 4 hours, I just kept telling myself, "10 more steps, 10 more steps... Slow and steady wins the race. I listened to my iPod to keep from psyching myself out in my head. Around 4 am it started snowing and we had to bundle up even tighter. The water in my water bottle also froze. The climb itself was pretty steep, and I did my best not to look down the mountain because one misstep would send one tumbling down the entire rocky mountainside. Edgar encouragingly waited a few feet ahead of me each time I had to catch my breath and steady my spinning head.

Around 6 am, we saw the first rays of sunlight creep up from the black horizon. I cringed inside out of frustration because I wanted my friends to see sunrise from the summit but they were too kind waiting for me. I cursed my altitude sickness and wished I could be like them, chugging along at a good pace without as much pain. I'm used to being fit and fast, holding my own well in a group if not leading, so this experience was extremely humbling.

View from Volcano Crater 

Volcano Crater

We made it to the volcano crater at 7 am, but then had one last hour to the peak. This last hour was the most grueling. My head felt like it was exploding, and I had to step every 10-30 steps to catch my breath and clutch my dizzying head. "You're almost there, almost there. You can't stop now!" I told myself. I could see the huge cross at the top of El Misti where my new friends had just arrived. Nicolas and Lina came down to cheer me on 50 meters from the top right when I started crying because the pain was too much. It hurt like hell, like my brain was expanding but my head was shrinking. The strong wind lashed snow at my face as I numbly moved one foot in front of the other until we finally reached the top. "Touch the cross," they told me. I placed my gloved hand on the hard silver metal with disbelief. WE made it.

The guides said that usually only 75% of people in the groups make it to the top but 100% of us made the ascent! Joel and Edgar said I was really strong (muy fuerte!) because most people would have turned back long before. I didn't feel strong, just grateful that I achieved what I had set out to do. I truly couldn't have done it without the support and encouragement of my amazing guides/friends. I'm also grateful for my Chinese middle name, 毅 (yì), which fittingly means "Persistence" and kept me on task. I now know that if you are determined you WILL succeed even when others or your genes tell you you can't do something. Just remember, one step at a time, and eventually you'll make it to the top!

El Misti Summit!

Magical Night in Tayrona

As many of you know, I've been traveling the world since October, 2015. I decided not to blog, despite many of your requests, because I was posting photos each day to document my journey and wanted to write about my journey unfiltered by writing for an audience. But last week in Tayrona was too beautiful to not share, so here I am breaking my decision to not blog about my trip :). Hope you enjoy! 

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Don Pedro in the Day

What a magical night! I'm currently in Tayrona Park at the elusive Don Pedro campsite. It's 8:50 pm and I just walked around the grounds, mesmerized by the stars and the quarter moon beneath the wax palm trees. 

Imagine—walking softly, you feel the crunch of dirt and leaves beneath your feet. It’s early, yet the space is extremely peaceful. You raise your eyes to the sky as puffy white clouds glide smoothly over the moon like a loving mother cloaking her baby. You crane your neck up to admire the 30 towering wax palms peppering the campsite. These trees majestically arch up to the heavens framed by speckled stars. You recognize Orion's Belt, the Big Dipper and other constellations. It's rare to see such a clear sky— no light pollution at all. The stars are so bright, the night air crisp and clear. And the moon, oh the moon! 

You feel a pang of regret that your camera can’t capture this extraordinary moment, can’t capture the stars hanging in the sky or the moon peeking out behind the trees. You attempt to take a picture anyways and all that appears on your screen is blackness. You tuck your camera away in your pocket with a sigh, returning your gaze to the sky. You open your eyes as wide as possible as if this would better imprint this moment to memory forever. In a way, it’s a blessing that you can’t even begin to capture this vision in a snapshot as it makes you appreciate it, savor each second even more. 

You look around you, enveloped by nature, and a huge wave of gratitude courses through your body as you are again reminded of the beauty in the world and how insignificantly small you are! You feel one with the earth, one with the ground, the sky, the moon, the stars, the universe. You feel a tingling in your fingertips that spreads to every cell of your body, filling you with wonder, joy, excitement and love.

"You Are More Beautiful Than You Think"

My heart goes out to all the people who were affected by the Boston Marathon bombing today. I hope you and all of your loved ones are safe. Events like these put our lives back into perspective. We get so caught up in the little, superficial things (e.g. I'm supposed to be doing homework right now, but this and you are much more important). Only at a crisis moment do we remember what truly matters in life, our loved ones. So I wanted to say how much I truly appreciate you and how grateful I am that you are in my life. 

I just saw this beautiful video, Dove's "Real Beauty Sketches" that actually made me cry. There is so much capacity in the world for love and compassion (just look at this "I have a place to offer" form), and yet ironically we are still so critical of ourselves. It gives me hope that others can see the best in us even when we can't yet. We shouldn't be bashing ourselves but should love ourselves like we love others. Our beliefs shape our reality, so if we can change our own beliefs, then we can truly create a more loving, compassionate world.

I just wanted to let you know that you are all more beautiful than you think.

Love,

Karina

"Yes, Let's!" Moments

It's nice to finally reflect again. It's been a few weeks. Three weekends ago, I participated in a flash mob in Boston at Fanieul Hall for Obama! Initially, I wasn't sure if I could do it since I'd have to go to rehearsals away from campus. I was dragging my feet but then realized that Ye-ye would have wanted me to grow by trying new things. If you step outside of your comfort zone, that becomes your new comfort zone! I've discovered that if there's something that I resist doing because it seems like too much work, it's probably the best things for me.

National Dance for Obama Flashmob in Boston!

I made some new friends in the process

So October 13, 2012 at 3 pm people in 20 cities across the country simultaneously started dancing to "Forward," a mash up of different Obama speeches featuring Bellringer. I knew that I would probably never participate in another flash mob, so here was my chance. I'm really glad that I decided to take the leap and participate.

That same weekend, Pam and I went on a fantastic walk/run to her favorite park! I usually don’t run but this was really nice. I’m glad I got to spend time with you, Pam! Thank you for showing me your special place. It meant a lot to me :).

Then two weeks ago, I went with a bunch of my friends to Cape Cod to celebrate Steve’s 23rd birthday! Again, initially I wanted to just stay in Boston, because it's easier to say no, and do what you usually do: work, sleep, party, etc. But I knew that I should get outside of the Harvard bubble, and say "yes, let's!" to new opportunities. These experiences are the ones that we're going to remember in the future, not another weekend doing the same thing. 

Cape Cod Beach with Josh, Weishen and Steve!

With Brittney and Cassie!

We had an incredible weekend on the Cape Cod visiting the beach, Provincetown, and just relaxing. I’m so glad that Steve invited us. I actually got more work done away than I usually do on campus! This just showed me that balancing work and fun is the best situation. And being in a relaxing environment is really therapeutic. Harvard is a crazy stress bubble so it’s really refreshing to get out into the real world again.

Steve’s mom, Meg, was a fantastic host. She baked us chocolate chip and currant scones Saturday morning for breakfast, with fresh fruit, greek yogurt and homemade granola! Then we made our own pizzas for lunch. For dinner, she made bbq ribs, carrot slaw, asparagus, mushroom rice, etc. For dessert, Meg made chocolate whipcream pie! Everything was soooo delicious. I absolutely loved their house because it reminded me a lot of my own—same warm, home-y feeling, similar building materials, lots of light, etc. It reminded me how wonderful it is to have a nice kitchen-- I can’t wait to use my kitchen again when I’m home for Thanksgiving and Christmas!

Making pizzas in the kitchen! 

And this past weekend, I ran river run! I was going to just walk/jog it to support Kirkland in the House Intramurals. But everyone was so pumped about it on Sunday that I was inspired to run too. The guys' run was 3-3:30, girls' from 3:30-4. We definitely beat everyone else in size-- there were probably about 75 of us. It was drizzling slightly, but otherwise was the perfect climate to run. I haven't run since middle school (jogged sporadically) but never timed since middle school when we had to run the mile which I'd avoid like the plague... Back in middle school, my mile time was 9:25 min. This time I ran 1.7 miles in 12:37 min, which is less than a 7 minute mile!! I was one of the top girls in Kirkland which was nice. I was dying at the end a bit, but glad that Weishen came to pace me at the end to rally me on. I had a burst of energy on the last downhill stretch and was sooo glad to cross the finish line! I'm really glad I said, "yes, let's!" to running this because now I know I can run much faster than I used to. 2 1/2 minutes faster at least :).

When you have an opportunity and are deciding whether to take it or not, remember, "yes, let's!" You can expand your comfort zone and have more memorable moments. I'd love to hear how seizing those opportunities changes your life like is has changed mine!

What Really Matters

This has been a really rough but educational week for me. I flew back on a red-eye Wednesday night after my grandfather's burial. It was a beautiful ceremony with just the family. I knew Ye-Ye was overjoyed because he was finally with Nai-Nai again, and I was really glad for him. However, even that happiness couldn't help me from feeling that a part of me was missing.

As I walked back to Kirkland in the rain Thursday morning at 8 am, I felt extremely lonely and isolated even though I have so many loving and supportive friends and family. I fell into a fitful sleep for most of the day after sleeping just 2 hours on the plane. It's been difficult sleeping, and not just because of the time change. I keep thinking about Ye-Ye, my future, and what really matters. It's difficult being back here. I'm usually really bubbly and smiley all the time. However, I've been really depressed this week. It's hardest when people ask, "how are you doing?" and expect an "I'm fine." Do I just say the normal response or answer truthfully and risk dampening their spirits? I let the people close to me know how deeply saddened I am, but to everyone else, my face is a mask of "I'm fine". I'm used to always saying what I feel and being honest, so I am not used to this. When I tell people that it's been a really tough week. Most people assume I mean work, "Yea I know what you mean, I have a ton of papers/mid-terms/etc right now." But no, my trouble has not been work this week...

It's tough here because everyone is in their own little Harvard bubble: focused on their work, their own agenda for getting ahead in life. I understand that mentality because I've had it too. Now I'm trying to move forward because I don't want to get stuck in the past. But it's difficult to focus on work when this past week has shown me that there are much more important things in life such as family and friends. You never know how long you're going to have with them. Every moment is precious.

Thus, my grandfather is teaching me even when he's not physically present. I am even more motivated after this week to do something every day to improve others' lives and make a difference. I'm really glad that I did a Habitat for Humanity build with 9 of my OAASIS sisters today, like I did with my sisters two years ago. It was a great reminder of how rewarding it is to work with your hands to build something for someone else. It's also nice to be focused entirely on the present, unable to think about the past or future, which is my problem-- my brain is always going at 100 miles an hour (the reason for my insomnia...).

I've been thinking really long and hard about what I want to do in the future. I've had an internal battle for the past few weeks about whether or not to recruit this semester. I felt a pressure within me to recruit that I couldn't tell whether from an internal or external force. That's rare for me since I like to be unique, and usually follow my own path and passion, fighting the norm. I had thought consulting would be suitable for me because several consultants have told me that I would be really good at it with my people skills, problem solving abilities, love for travel, etc. I also didn't want to close any doors prematurely before really understanding the field first. However, at the same time, I'd been dragging my feet about practicing case studies while feeling the building pressure of interviews within the next few weeks.

I'm really grateful that I decided to go to the "Banking & Consulting: Myths vs. Reality" panel at OCS, even though it was the last thing I wanted to do Thursday after getting back. I thought I should give consulting one last shot. After the panel, consulting still seemed appealing, however, I let my thought simmer for a few hours. Then, around 11 pm Thursday, I had the epiphany that consulting is probably not for me! This past week traveling to and from California made me realize that while I love traveling, I do not enjoy the actual process of getting to my destination. My flight to California last Friday was cancelled and my second flight was delayed, ending up in a 10 hour ordeal, not even counting the 6 hour plane ride (I do not enjoy days in limbo that are out of my control). So the reality of consulting, traveling on Monday and Thursday to and from my destination truly hit me, and I realized that consulting was not as glamorous as I had first thought. This epiphany felt like a breath of fresh air,  a huge weight off of my shoulders. I hadn't realized how stressed I had felt about recruiting until that moment. I could still recruit in the future should I ever want to, but this was the right decision for me, at least right now. I have finally made peace with myself and my decision. I am so glad that I don't have to practice case studies which I'd been dreading--another good indicator that consulting isn't right for me since those case studies simulate cases you'd have while actually working for the firm (duh, Karina...).

Even though I had my consulting epiphany two days ago, I had still debated whether I should apply to Bridgespan because I really want to help non-profits. But I finally realized tonight that my passion is truly in poverty-alleviation, health and nutrition. Thus, I want to focus my attention in those areas, which I would not be able to do even at Bridgespan because they have cases in many other sectors as well. Phew, so now consulting is really out of the picture! YAY! I can now focus on my true passions.

So I've learned and grown a lot within the past few days. I'm a week behind in work, but that's ok. I now know what really matters to me and have found my path again. Thank you Ye-ye, you have taught me more in one week about what is truly important than a month at Harvard.

Now that's an education.

Sunset at home representing the short term (tennis court) & long term view in life

Ye-Ye, My Hero

So much can happen in a day. This time yesterday, Ye-Ye, my grandfather was still here, barely here, but in this world. Now, he is happily dancing with Nai-Nai, my grandmother, under the full Harvest moon. It's ironic that the place of my birth twenty-one years ago was the same place of my grandfather's passing. Everything comes in full circle. 

Ye-Ye was my hero. As his only grand daughter, I did everything I could to make him proud. And hopefully, I did. He was always so loving and affectionate. Every time I saw him, his face would light up. "Ka-riiii-naaaa!!" he'd sing. He'd kiss me on the cheek, and we'd nuzzle noses. “Did you know, you look just like Zaza!" Zaza was my grandmother, his late wife. He loved her with all of his heart, and I always felt so blessed that I looked like her and had her personality. "How’s Harvard?" He'd ask. "What year are you now? A Sophomore? Wha?! A Senior?! You know your father went to Harvard too!" When I was younger, he would come up to me and say, "look Karina, there's a little mouse in there," moving his biceps up and down. He was always so cheerful and smiley. A few weeks ago, he asked me for the first time, "Do you have a boyfriend? No?! What? Oh, you must have several!"

Ye-Ye was so principled. He always put his family first, sacrificing everything for them. He did what he thought was morally correct and never shied away from hard work. Leaving his comfortable life in Hong Kong, he came to America to give his three sons a better future. Ye-Ye walked to work instead of taking the bus to save the ten-cents each way, and eventually saved enough to send all three of his sons to Harvard, Princeton and Yale! He always advised my father, "first put in the big rocks, then the small ones, then pebbles, then sand. Have your priorities straight and you’ll finish what you need to get done."

This week Ye-Ye reminded me of my own priorities. I had been stressing a bit on Thursday. From classes, to papers, and meetings for jobs and fellowships, my day was packed until 8 pm. By 8:30, I was so exhausted that I took a quick nap. Half an hour later, I found out from my parents that Ye-Ye had a second heart attack and was unconscious in the ICU. I had been so caught up in the future with work, job interviews, etc. that Ye-Ye and his situation jolted me back to the present, this precious moment. 

The very next day, I flew back home to California with Mason, a 16 hour ordeal rather than the usual 6. But fortunately, we finally arrived home at midnight. I am truly grateful that we got to be by Ye-Ye's side Saturday. While standing next to his bed, I recounted my past memories with him:

• Going over to his and Nai-Nai’s house when I was younger, staying over that one night. I slept on the scratchy cot and it was extremely hot but it was worth it. They were so delighted-- it made them young again.
• Ye-Ye cooking us breakfast on the weekends: bratwurst sausages and sunny side up eggs in the morning with milk tea in tall Chinese mugs. 
• Listening to musicals on their record player: Man of La Mancha, My Fair Lady, South Pacific.
• Playing with the little toys which went "ee-ee-ee, ee-ee-ee". I seriously don’t know how we didn’t drive them crazy!
• Playing Indian Poker with him, Nai Nai, mom, dad, and Mason. Nai Nai would put her card on her forehead laughing since she didn’t know what she was. Him teasing people, "Bus Stop".
• Sitting in his huge blue car. Helping him clean his garage.
• Eating banquets at the Mayflower, then walking around the Great Mall. 
• Going to Red Robbins for dinner because they knew we loved it there, getting corn dogs or spaghetti, ice cream.
• Eating Dim Sum on weekends-- he sure loved his chicken feet!
• Playing scrabble with Ye-Ye on summer nights with dad and Liza. Even though it pained me to hear Ye-Ye's wheezing while playing, I’m so grateful that I got to spent most summer evenings with him. "Who's turn is it?" He'd ask. "Mine?! Oh ok." He'd put down a creative word such as "USA" or "TV". We'd high five and he'd laugh his full, hearty laugh.

Thank you for waiting for us to see you, Ye-ye. You were always so considerate-- you even waited for all of us to be at the hospital at 6:45 before passing 10 minutes later. As a master planner, you planned your passing perfectly. Last night just happened to be the full moon of the Chinese Mid-Autumn Moon festival. Thus, you brought us all together, as this celebration is wont to do. Right before you left, my mother and I both felt your presence by the window. I saw you as a young man, smiling at me, singing "Kaaa-riiiii-naaaa" like you always do. You were so content and healthy, and ecstatic that you were going to see Nai Nai again. 
 

Ye-ye, I am eternally grateful that I knew you for my whole life and that you got to see me become an adult. You have taught me so much about giving unconditional love, keeping my priorities straight, being in the moment, and living my life to the fullest. You had a long, fruitful life, reaching 90 last month! You fulfilled everything you wanted to in your life, and passed away blissfully, knowing that all of your family is well taken care of, loved, and content. But still, I can't believe you're gone. I miss your huge, loving, beaming smile, your full-bellied laugh, your shuffling steps. Every time I pass our pool house, I keep thinking your light will be on, and that you are working quietly at your computer. But I am trying not to be sad. I know you are joyfully catching up with Nai Nai and dancing in the moonlight. Please give her a kiss for me. I love you both, always and forever. 

Reading Period

I just had the best time during reading period with my amazing mom!! We had so much fun in Boston, eating at delicious restaurants and learning about ourselves. 

I had so much fun taking you to Zumba class with me, Mom! Thanks for giving it a try :)

Dessert with Mom and Paschal at Omni Paker Hotel

Thank you so much mom for teaching me about Ishmael. I learned so much about myself this trip and don't know what I would have done without you.

Love,
Karina