I am sooo happy to be going home. I don’t think I’ve needed to go home this badly before. This semester has just been so much harder than I expected. But that’s my fault. I definitely took on wayyy too much. 5 extracurriculars! Well technically 7 since I’m doing 3 AADT dances (Asian American Dance Troupe), AAA Outreach Co-chair, WIB fundraising associate director, OAASIS and Culinary Society (teaching cooking classes). I really like most of the activities I’m doing, but they add up and take a toll. At times this semester, I couldn’t even do work until Sunday 10 pm cuz of my extracurriculars. They were just adding so much stress this semester. I really need to cut back next semester so that I can explore and actually have free time. I realized that I’m really jealous of people who have time to watch glee weekly or can go outside and throw a Frisbee around on weekends. I realized I couldn’t think of a weekend where I really had free time! That’s not healthy . I’m always go go go!
This past Wednesday I had a break down because of all the stress from classes and extra curriculars. I knew this semester was extremely hard and stressful for me, but I didn’t realize that I was sophomore slumping until I Wednesday. I was fine. I’d thought I was ok until after our last AAA board meeting at 9-10 pm. I’d thought before this meeting that I should run for AAA board again for outreach with Robi Cai. But before this meeting Laura had asked me if I was running for AAA again. I said yes. She asked what position? I told her Outreach. Again? Yes…? But her question made me question my decision. I realized that I was feeling too stressed from my extracurriculars and needed to dial things down next semester. AAA is my biggest commitment. I felt sad at the meeting because I realized this year was ending. But after that meeting I also realized that my growth in my position would be really slow next year. I’ve already learned so much this year. I need to try something new next year and grow in different ways. I realized that I felt obligated to run again because I knew I could help AAA so much. I’m great at Outreach because we are now experienced, have connections with Jeanie and HAAA, kicked off the Mentorship Program. But I could pass these things onto the next co-chair. I should give someone else the opportunity to grow as much as I did. I’m going to miss board so much because I love everyone so much. I feel like I’m going to miss out on core board next year. They’ll get closer without me, but I know that this is the right decision. I wouldn’t be running for the right reasons. I’d be running b/c I can’t think of someone else who’d be good at running for the position, not because I’m really enthusiastic about it again. I realized I could participate in AAA and help them out ,but not be expected to attend weekly meetings, sell tickets, help out at events. It adds up .We did so much this semester. It’s surprising how burnt out you get. If I were to run again, I’d want to give board 110% of my time and effort but knew that I couldn’t do that spring semester. I need to have some time for me. I want to innovate with cooking/baking (maybe start up the Kirkland Grille like Alexios had suggested a few days a week or something), maybe join breakers or dance more, or learn some new experiences. And just RELAX! It’s just nice to know that I have possibilities and don’t have to be obligated as much. Next semester I’m staying with AADT, maybe culinary society and OAASIS. Dropping AAA and WIB. I was really relieved when I made my decision not to do AAA again. It was the same relief that I felt when I realized that I didn’t want to be an economics major last Easter. So I knew I was making the right decision. I had been trying to persuade myself that I was doing the right thing and helping AAA out. It’s like when I was trying to tell myself that Economics was practical so I should do it. I’m glad I’m finally listening to my gut again. I had hesitated a few weeks ago, but then when Robi Cai was hesitating about running again, that challenged me to get him on board. But that wasn’t the right reason. We can still hang out even if we’re not all on board.
That Monday, I felt so much pressure about everything I needed to get done that after my classes were done, I had to actually tell myself out loud, “Breathe, Karina, Breathe!” I can’t believe I had to remind myself. It’s just not healthy. Wednesday, I also messed up my knee. I’d just finished my Chinese Philosophy class in Sanders. I got up and went down the stairs, but my right foot was asleep so I rolled my ankle and heard 2 pops. It hurt, but I thought it’d be ok. Later, during Cognitive Psych, when I got up, my knee was stiff. So I had to ice it at dinner and the next day. I was really bummed because I couldn’t do anything. I felt like such a fatty cuz I’d eat so much because of all the stress (I hate that I stress eat! But I’m sooo lucky that I exercise and have dad’s metabolism!) I need to figure out how not to stress eat...
I stress ate soooo much on Friday. I just couldn’t stop myself. I was hungry all the time, and would eat to procrastinate. At least I eat healthier more than most people. It’s just extremely frustrating when I can’t have control over my body. I felt so gross because I couldn’t exercise because of my knee, and couldn’t stop eating because of the stress. A terrible combination! But I know things will get better and I’ll be back to normal soon when I can exercise again and eat normally again, once I get enough sleep and am more relaxed. This break is really necessary for me.
I wrote 3 papers on Friday night! The 2nd draft of my Sophomore Psych Tutorial Paper on Comfort Foods was due at 5 pm (10-12 pgs), then my 3
rd lab report was due at 9 pm for Cognitive Psych. I tried to go to bed at 11:30 since it was Harvard Yale Weekend, but I couldn’t sleep until close to 6 am! So at 3:45, I gave up, got my computer and banged out a first draft of my Chinese essay on music as a type of art. Finished at 5:30, still couldn’t sleep till 6. Too much on my mind. Everything I need to get done. My brain won’t stop thinking! I was thinking about work I had to get done the week after thanksgiving, how I’m going to do Secret Santa, what I to do at home, etc.
Then Saturday-Sunday, I worked on my Chinese philosophy paper. I was writing a creative piece: a diary entry by the emperor’s concubine on how to get her son in power (using Han Feizian methods of persuasion to convince her Emperor that he should embrace Xunzian philosophy. This paper was realllyyy hard for me. I spent so much time on this because I wanted to get as good as a grade as I possibly could. I’d gotten a B+ on my last essay because Lindsey, my TF, thought I could push myself more. She thinks I’m a good writer. So I really wanted to demonstrate that I deserve an A on this paper. I wrote from 10pm – midnight, then had to go out since my brain was too fried. I went with Rachelle’s friend, Chelsea, from Yale to Kirkland D-32 for an IRC party, Mather party in 409 (Too Much Birthday Party), but that got shut down at 1 am. Then went to the spee. It was fun! Glad I got to go out and dance!! It was really needed.
It’s nice right now on the airplane (12:47 pm). I land in 2 hours! I’m glad I get some time to reflect because I feel like most of the time I have no time for me. Hope this week is fun!
